Wednesday, April 25, 2018

i'm in the hyatt regency with my cousin, he's over from canada on an around the world tour and it's his first time in sydney. he's here for one day only and we are eating a massive breakfast, catching up. 
i want to show him the sights, as much as i can in a day so i'm already planning the important parts over coffee. we swap a few family stories, he tells me about his divorce and the fall out. 
divorce is always hard for the men, we are dumb stupid creatures in a marriage, get dependant and comfortable, start sliding into neglect, we cease thinking and fall into comfort zones and fluffy cotton wool dreams where everything is easy and if it gets to hard we have a wife to fall back on. 
i lived with these guys for a while, watched their family, it was never really going to work out, i knew that back then. however he needs a sympathetic friend and i being family i fall into the role.
later i tell him a truth i hope he appreciates.
when i stayed with them he was an animal, a heat seeking focused missile whose only target was making money. she spent it, he earns it. he was so obsessed nothing else mattered, i mean nothing. 
occasionally there are people who have these qualities, its psychotic in a way and something i wish i had, sometimes.
anyway you cannot have a healthy family life and pursue this business obsession at the same time, the two opposite energies, and one sacrifices the other. eventually both are damaged and because women are smart they have already planned for survival mechanisms in advance.
anyway he wants to live in sydney, he falls in love with the city, the women, the sun, the water, the lifestyle. he's in shock, most people don't understand the hedonistic pleasures sydney is geared up for. it's attractive, sensual and sexy, and everyone wants to live here. we take a boat out, i show him the opera house, the bridge some other landmarks. 
we walk around the opera house and he's amazed at its structure, we wander through the botanical gardens, we go up counterpoint tower, into world square and china town, back into darling harbour and cockle bay, towards bangaroo, where we have dinner.
it's a good day, i hope he does come out and live in sydney, he seems to really love the place. i know he is lonely in canada. he asks me all the time if i am lonely here on my own.
i say no, i'm very content in my own company and do not require people to make me happy.
he is envious, i see it in his eyes.
i remind him he has the money, whereas i struggle.
we say goodbye, he has a need to get the last word in, i guess being older he needs to feel responsible. i don't really have an attachment to ego so for me i can just smile but he's suffering. he is thinking about death and wants a clean slate with everyone,
i tell him to relax, by the time my slate is clean we will all be dead.


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