Sunday, June 03, 2012

sometimes, on wet days when i am alone, i think of her, miss cupcake in her strange circumstance, american disposition, hong kong mind. i think about her need to keep it going, reaching out through hate with her flying monkey friends, manipulating them to get to me, 'why' i think would some one want to do that if not because they love you. it's a warped distorted love admittedly but i think i understand, she needs help, but can't ask for it, she wants me, but can't bring herself to admit it. vengeance is a way of asking for punishment i guess, you want to punish me. 
it's pointless cupcake, you can't punish me without punishing yourself, i can't help the alcoholic streak that lives inside you now, that's grown beyond those that love you. but you can do it, you can because you fight much better than you love and thats what needed now.
i'm still somewhat shaken buy the threatening phone calls, they were quite nasty and vindictive, there was not much intelligence behind them, just an ugly energy,  weak one following orders i guess but those kind of threats have repercussions and consequences so i ask you pull back the reigns on your monkey's, keep them on a short leash, they do your bidding in a way i could never do, so be kind to them but keep them away from me now, damage is done and i fear it will effect you much more than me.
onwards i go, heading somewhere else, life is somewhere else, it's moving behind the veils, we are shadows on a cave wall after all, flickering in candle light, pouring through time, i'd travel along the waves that come my way, some are big and dangerous, others small fast forceful ones, it's not the size that matters girls, it's the ride. it's all how you ride and the world is filled with diversity in its wave motion, some knock you down and others lift you up, turbulence is just part off a wave as well, and some one else's drama is one i really don't choose to catch, so grab a lungful of air and dive under it while it passes, surface for another, a better one with grace and beauty, one that takes you somewhere else, somewhere closer to love.

1 comment:

Paiji said...

Tortured and beautiful...well said.