often i assist trawling through the evidence, reports and camera footage, piecing together motives and cause, my autistic sherlock holmes like mind comes in handy, it thinks outside the box and my lawyer respects it's perspective on the more tricky cases.
but four days driving north, plus seven days in the remotest parts of australia known to man, in the rainforest and swamps, 'we will have to carry guns' he says, 'the crocs come up to the front door at night time.'
i tell him i'll think about it.
he says, 'prepare a list of conversation topics, one for each hour of the journey.'
i consider this. later i even think about the list and make an attempt to start it but i stop at four, listed here for you:
1. is it the journey or the destination?
2. is there a true self?
3. what makes something beautiful and another ugly?
4. what is the most important film ever made?
i have other things to do and lists to write, pretty soon i am writing a list for the lists i have yet to do. i shred it when i see the futility.
i consider this. later i even think about the list and make an attempt to start it but i stop at four, listed here for you:
1. is it the journey or the destination?
2. is there a true self?
3. what makes something beautiful and another ugly?
4. what is the most important film ever made?
i have other things to do and lists to write, pretty soon i am writing a list for the lists i have yet to do. i shred it when i see the futility.
we have travelled together for a long time, through life, he is an old friend, we met in strange circumstances that cannot be revealed here, certainly not now, although i can say it involved a cult, lots of papaya and various energy fields. yes we have a certain secret history that connects us but also we share a similar cosmic perspective on life, his more hedonistic than mine although i have been known to indulge myself in my favourite sin, i generally stay well away from the others.
out of all the people i know, this particular man has been a very very good friend, he has helped me when i needed it but also included me in experiences i would have never even known about.
for example one evening he rings me, 'mission, put a suit on and meet me outside.'
i see his familiar car outside, from the outside it's a stately prestige type, once inside it's a teenagers bedroom, paperwork everywhere, bits of laundry, obscure cds that range from some strange south london dub to the rolling stones, dylan and iggy, some feathers and stones, crystals and incense adorn the instrument panel.
we drive off, into the city, china town. we weave into a small narrow street and then find ourselves in an underground car park, it's unfamiliar subterranean archeology, a small doorway and a long flight of steps, i'm feeling slightly apprehensive but i know better to ask. i follow him up there, it takes twenty minites to get to another level, a long corridor with a swinging lightbulb that occasionally flickers and then we enter another doorway and i hear the sound of people from behind another doorway. we enter and i am in a chinese returant. it's packed with chinese people. loads of them, all gabbling away in their native tongue, all chowing down on dim sims and pork dumplings, the sound of chopsticks, the deep rich reds of lantern lamps, a little man escorts us through the crowded tables, it does smell pretty good in here, like black bean sauce, some kind of asian condiment.
we drive off, into the city, china town. we weave into a small narrow street and then find ourselves in an underground car park, it's unfamiliar subterranean archeology, a small doorway and a long flight of steps, i'm feeling slightly apprehensive but i know better to ask. i follow him up there, it takes twenty minites to get to another level, a long corridor with a swinging lightbulb that occasionally flickers and then we enter another doorway and i hear the sound of people from behind another doorway. we enter and i am in a chinese returant. it's packed with chinese people. loads of them, all gabbling away in their native tongue, all chowing down on dim sims and pork dumplings, the sound of chopsticks, the deep rich reds of lantern lamps, a little man escorts us through the crowded tables, it does smell pretty good in here, like black bean sauce, some kind of asian condiment.
i don't know where we are going, he sticks out like a sore thumb as do i, but no one takes any notice. a woman comes to greet us, she is very beautiful in her elegance and i find myself admiring her in a romantic way, she wears a traditional asian dress but she is very western, talking perfect english and smiling in a way that puts me at ease. first she welcomes him and then me, bowing low, i attempt to bow to but i'm lacking the same grace that she possesses.
we wander through a kitchen, it's huge and hot, steam everywhere, chinese people, all men nod acknowledgement to the woman as she wanders past them, the smell in here is not so nice, it's overwhelming as a million different flavours plume into one heavy thick viscous fog, i imagine i will have to get my suit dry cleaned to get rid of the stench. however the walk itself is quite amazing, watching these people prepare food, chopping faster than my eye can actually see, hands blurring, my brain fills in the gaps, some of the biggest pots and pans i have ever seen, the hits of ginger that sears out as it's thrown into burning oil someone pours xo sauce over a big steaming dish. we stop before a red door.
the woman looks at me, she checks the time, it's 2330.
she bows again and looks me in the eye unflinchingly as i stare back.
my attorney holds the door open for me, he says, 'this will be an interesting experience for us mission.'
the three of us go downstairs, we are sat at a small table for two, the woman disappears.
it's a very dark room, another restaurant but it's got a stage, or raised area in the centre, it revolves around 360 degrees. i immediately think a band will be playing here, maybe 'the church' a secret gig, but it's not for a band, it's for a single man, a small japanese man in a chefs suit is introduced by the woman. the woman speaks what i think is japanese, as i look around i see the dimly lit faces of japanese people not a chinaman in sight.
my attorney translates, 'she is saying, here is aryosho, master of sun fish cuisine, we have flown him here to be with you tonight for the preparation is an exact art, any deviance will result in instant death. we will bid first, then aryosho will prepare the three stages, first stage, moon fish bidding will start at $10000.'
aryosho bows low and bows again at the woman, then the bidding starts.
'what the fuck is this,' i whisper, 'some sort of fish auction.'
'watch, but careful not to move to much, i don't want to bid on this part of the fish, we have a bigger fish to fry.'
from what i can make out this fish is such a rare delicacy that japanese value it enough to pay ridiculous prices. the bidding goes on until there are two individuals locked in and eventually one person wins the auction. the chef asks him to stand up, he must walk up on the stage with his entourage who share his table. four businessmen walk up to loud applause.
a waitress comes and takes our drink order, me water, my attorney gets a bottle of white wine.
the chef sizes them up, he walks around them, looks at them from all angles. then he takes two knives and starts slicing the fish, i attempt to look at the fish but i'm gestured to stay seated. the businessmen are given a plate each with what seems to be a sliver of fish and they return to their table.
then the next bid begins, and i see that we are bidding on the same fish but a different organ, this part is called sun fish. bidding is high, it started at $500000 and has already reached a hundred thousand.
there's an atmosphere of great seriousness now, this is not just recreational, it's quite maniacal. the faces are single minded determination. i've never seen any fuss like this before made over a fish but this is no ordinary fish.
'the organs are very hallucinogenic, they are toxic and if the wrong mass is eaten results in a very quick and painful death, but aryosho will cut the exact amount and later the winners will eat the fish and enter their ecstatic state's. there are three types, moon, which is akin to walking on the moon, people report feeling very light and floaty, they talk about things becoming very spongey to touch and visualise strange desolate landscapes with craters. sun fish which they are bidding on now is meant to be wonderful, almost as though you become a sun, drenching everything in a bright light but the star part, well that's what we want mission.'
i don't know how much they paid for the sun part but a single man went up, he again was surveyed by the chef and then given a piece of the fish.
the room burst into a raucous applause again, this time it was like a sports stadium.
'why are the chinese upstairs and the japanese down here?'
my attorney had already finished half the wine, he was perking up, getting into the spirit of the whole thing, 'the chinese don't like japanese, there's a lot of bad blood between the two races but the japanese come here once every few years to this same place for this occasion, the chinese mafia sub let the room out, keep it safe, it's lucrative for both sides but there's not much interaction, business is business, actually i help with the contracts, which is how we managed to get here.'
'what you're in the yakuza now?'
'nothing like that, i just make sure the legal stuff is okay, contracts need to be written by someone.'
nothing surprises me about this man, in all the years i've known him he can still surprise me, however like all masterminds he has a code, i like that in people, although it's not quite my code, it's his code and that is what he is true to.
'i did aryosho's contract as well, he gets a million dollars for each gig plus expenses, he will look after us when it comes to slicing up the fish.'
'a million bucks, jesus that's some fishmonger.'
'this is a fine art, a wrong cut can kill. there's not many people who are trained in this stuff, it's passed on from generations within aryosho's family.'
'so are we going to eat fish organs?'
'raw.'
'and it's hallucinogenic?'
'very, it's known as ichycoallyeinotoxism, hallucinogenic fish poisoning in other words. there's a species of bream that can induce visions, it was huge in roman times, those guys loved it so much it became a craze at dinner parties. even in parts off arabia they call it 'fish that makes dreams' there's reports that the dreams can last days but i don't think aryosho will cut us that type of dose.'
'so we are going to be tripping on fish guts.'
'mission, you have no finesse sometimes.'
'it's my working class background, we never had fish on the council estate.'
'hold tight, here we go.'
i looked up and could see aryosho was now bowing to rapturous applause, apparently someone had just spent 2 million dollars on the final part of the fish, known as the star fish. the man jumped up on the podium and waved at everyone as though he had won a race. the small crowd were going nuts.
there was a subdued moment when most people began to leave, but aryosho came to our table and asked me to stand up, he walked around me as he had done to each winner, he looked at my hands and teeth and eyes, then he bowed low, i noticed we were left in an almost empty room with the winners of the bidding and aryosho who brought them their fish pieces and the young woman who went from table to table checking if everyone was ready.
aryosho returned to us with two plates and offered them to us. my attorney spoke some japanese and aryosho offered his hand to me, i shook it.
'enjoy star fish, piece good, many magic things in star fish.'
i looked at the black looking gizzard that lay stretched across my plate, it smelt horrible and looked worse.
here i am in some sort of raw lsd fish eating cult being given a raw star fish gut by the jamie oliver of the ichycoallyeinotoxism world with my gracious and very weird friend. i am not in a position to refuse.
'should i swallow it or chew it?'
'place it under your tongue and it will dissolve, it's very delicate, the rest you spit out.'
we exchange a look, it's a look we have exchanged many times, its a look that we have both spent our lifetimes developing, it's the acknowledgement of fear look, it's the the acceptance of death look, it's the look two blokes share on a journey into the unknown. how do you describe that look, i'm not sure, it's just a look i guess.
i lift my head up high and open my mouth, picking up the strange slimy object i place it in my mouth, it's immediately awful, alien gunk, bad voodoo shit that makes my stomach churn and i fight the instinct to get it out from my mouth as i feel the liquid slide down into my throat, thick molasses texture, bitter and sour, not like fish, not like anything except bad ass raw fish gut. limits have been reached, i feel myself beginning to feel queasy, i eject the contents of my mouth onto the plate, and stare down at the skin that's left, it looks like an over used condom.
i try to talk but the words are not there, my mouth feels like its been stretched open.
i glance around, the other people are there all in their own experience but i can't quite see them, even the huge frame of my attorney is almost not quite there but i hear his voice, slow and slurred, it's saying something but it's warped and discordant and it's gone into the ether.
i begin to feel very warm, my head feels like it's expanding rapidly. the rooms flickers in red strobe for a while, it's not unpleasant, and there's a nice sensation as my whole body begins to dissolve which is quickly overtaken by the not so pleasant feeling of vertigo, in fact it's very sudden and feels like i am travelling upwards very fast, i control my breathing, deeps intense breaths as the shapes seem to flash before me, fish mouths, contorted and aggressive, the array of neon coloured lights shimmer, i have no relation to my body now, where am i?
slow time, decay, i'm a bubble, part of a large mass of foam, each bubble is a universe, each had different laws, my mind is melting, bending, stretching out, it's like an elastic band, reaching it's limits, all references come to an elasticated end. im in wonderland, a long way from kansas, neverwhere, a lost boy, floating out in the watery foam, i touch the surface of the skin, my hands feel like they are pushing through a dark mirror, stepping into another world, a world of aquatic pastels and coral shapes that form like purple fractals and i feel quite scared, and alone, and i wonder if i will find my way home. i am drowning now, falling into deep waters, floating, maybe i am rising, there's some movement around me, a blast of heat, i'm sweating, i think or wet, drenched in water, i'm uncertain if i need to drink some water, i have a body somewhere, i should look after it, the thought flickers across my mind but out, it goes. these colours are lovely, underwater moonlight, gets you when your down, i see a shape flickering, something fleeting, a tremor of recognition, it's leaping out of a book or submerged memory, but i can't quite see through the murky swirl.
big flash, i'm suspended in the void, akin to an isolation tank, there's an eternal peace and then a flicker of fairy lights, there are thousands of them, swirling around me, on and off, like binary, they are quite beautiful and i find myself in serenity, each light reveals itself, one by one, jellyfish, those moon type ones with that elegant dome fluctuating, it's almost erotic the way these things pulse and move, they drift on invisible currents, a variety of sizes but uniform in shape, these are indeed moon like, aptly named. they trail those strange tendrils, some sweep over my, although i can't feel them, i do notice a visible energetic sensation as my hair stands on end, i remember i have a body.
the swarm passes over me and then as if a curtain is lifted an intense white light bathes me, it's warming and healing as i start to feel quite good, ecstatic almost, well i am outside my body at least but through the white light it flashes, a black long shape, a long dark thing, and behind it a huge eye. fear now, my eyes are wide open, i am shaking, inside my body, at least i am breathing, what the fuck is this, i start panicking and an voice says, 'easy captain, come on back to me, you're okay now, back in the seventh dimension', i look up expecting to see a beast but it's a beast of a man, the great beast who has his arm on my shoulder, a big ugly grin plastered across his face, 'welcome home captain.'
aryosho offers me a glass of water,'drink slowly, enjoy taste.'
i follow his advice, i feel very dry despite the aquatic experience, the water hits my mouth and it tastes amazing, it really does, it's the most delicious thing i have very put between my lips almost, it's vitality intoxicates, 'what is this stuff?'
'water.'
my attorney and i laugh, it's one of those moments when there's nothing much to do other than laugh at it all. we say our goodbyes to our hosts, there's a lot of bowing and asian ritual but we are all satisfied. my body feels strangely relaxed for such a strange and frightening journey, and i notice the other people sitting at their tables all looking somewhat in a similar state, recovering from some sort of new experience. the woman opens the door for us and we ascend the staircase, up through the kitchen which is empty and lit only by a small lamp. the restaurant itself is empty, seats sit on tablecloths and there's that artificial smell of detergent or bleach hanging in the air. we leave through the same doorway and corridor we entered, down the staircase into the car park, somewhere along the way the lady must have disappeared back into the restaurant.
we jump in the car and weave along the strange underground cavern, i'm super relaxed, my muscles feel jelly like and my mind is numbed by it all.
it's not until we hit the parkway that we start the debrief, my attorney is describing his experience with mermaids. his visions seem much more erotic than mine, he said there was not one point in which he felt frightened although he felt somewhat alarmed when he came around and saw me in my state, apparently i looked very apprehensive. we swapped stories, it was indeed a very bizarre night, not sure i would want to experience it again.
anyway that's the man, a strange wide perspective look of reality, he belongs on boston legal, he's got a very sharp mind and a cosmic outlook, he's very wealthy yet unless he's dressed in his zoot suits you would think he was just a bum. we often go out together and he'll drop wads of cash on the floor without even knowing, he cares little for money yet he makes loads of it, his home is like a museum, filled with art and sculpture and he has very good tastes, he indulges in pleasures and yet is a terrible drunk, but he has never harmed or attempted to hurt my character.
once i dragged him along to see a thomas dolby performance, he'd just flown back from singapore and was jet lagged and hung over, he ordered a few bottles of white wine and then drank them, at one point during 'hyperactive' he fell off his chair onto his back like a giant tortoise, people rushed to help him, and he said to them all, 'it's okay i'm a doctor, i'm a doctor, dr. cracks my name, i'm running a controlled experiment, lab rats, you're all lab rats.'
i laughed as i am used to this but then he said to a woman sitting near us, 'madam, may i interest you in some gorgonzola, top quality stuff.'
yeah he's a strange one, a beast indeed, but good hearted, super intelligent and nothing like you would expect from someone in his status.
i could fill this blog with our adventures, write pages but you get the idea, i'm just describing my friend to you, a multidimensional man, you gotta work hard to keep up with him, he never slows down, its always action stations, he's also very well travelled, lived with gorillas in africa, penguins in antarctica, extreme landscapes and extreme adventures, he's eaten everything, even insects, i imagine he's pretty good in a fight to but i have seen him panic when we planned a trip to the amazon, he started to look worried the more we spoke about visiting the cat people, one day he confessed to me he was anxious about the jaguars and i teased him saying if it were between him and myself the jaguar would choose him for i am alkaline, eating seaweed, vegetables and salads opposed to his carnivorous diet. no jaguar would pass by such a rich satisfying meal, it would be like fine dining for those jungle cats. we never did get to the amazon but maybe one day he will shake of the fear and we will.
anyway's enough about my attorney, aka dr. crack, i have a list to finish.
the three of us go downstairs, we are sat at a small table for two, the woman disappears.
it's a very dark room, another restaurant but it's got a stage, or raised area in the centre, it revolves around 360 degrees. i immediately think a band will be playing here, maybe 'the church' a secret gig, but it's not for a band, it's for a single man, a small japanese man in a chefs suit is introduced by the woman. the woman speaks what i think is japanese, as i look around i see the dimly lit faces of japanese people not a chinaman in sight.
my attorney translates, 'she is saying, here is aryosho, master of sun fish cuisine, we have flown him here to be with you tonight for the preparation is an exact art, any deviance will result in instant death. we will bid first, then aryosho will prepare the three stages, first stage, moon fish bidding will start at $10000.'
aryosho bows low and bows again at the woman, then the bidding starts.
'what the fuck is this,' i whisper, 'some sort of fish auction.'
'watch, but careful not to move to much, i don't want to bid on this part of the fish, we have a bigger fish to fry.'
from what i can make out this fish is such a rare delicacy that japanese value it enough to pay ridiculous prices. the bidding goes on until there are two individuals locked in and eventually one person wins the auction. the chef asks him to stand up, he must walk up on the stage with his entourage who share his table. four businessmen walk up to loud applause.
a waitress comes and takes our drink order, me water, my attorney gets a bottle of white wine.
the chef sizes them up, he walks around them, looks at them from all angles. then he takes two knives and starts slicing the fish, i attempt to look at the fish but i'm gestured to stay seated. the businessmen are given a plate each with what seems to be a sliver of fish and they return to their table.
then the next bid begins, and i see that we are bidding on the same fish but a different organ, this part is called sun fish. bidding is high, it started at $500000 and has already reached a hundred thousand.
there's an atmosphere of great seriousness now, this is not just recreational, it's quite maniacal. the faces are single minded determination. i've never seen any fuss like this before made over a fish but this is no ordinary fish.
'the organs are very hallucinogenic, they are toxic and if the wrong mass is eaten results in a very quick and painful death, but aryosho will cut the exact amount and later the winners will eat the fish and enter their ecstatic state's. there are three types, moon, which is akin to walking on the moon, people report feeling very light and floaty, they talk about things becoming very spongey to touch and visualise strange desolate landscapes with craters. sun fish which they are bidding on now is meant to be wonderful, almost as though you become a sun, drenching everything in a bright light but the star part, well that's what we want mission.'
i don't know how much they paid for the sun part but a single man went up, he again was surveyed by the chef and then given a piece of the fish.
the room burst into a raucous applause again, this time it was like a sports stadium.
'why are the chinese upstairs and the japanese down here?'
my attorney had already finished half the wine, he was perking up, getting into the spirit of the whole thing, 'the chinese don't like japanese, there's a lot of bad blood between the two races but the japanese come here once every few years to this same place for this occasion, the chinese mafia sub let the room out, keep it safe, it's lucrative for both sides but there's not much interaction, business is business, actually i help with the contracts, which is how we managed to get here.'
'what you're in the yakuza now?'
'nothing like that, i just make sure the legal stuff is okay, contracts need to be written by someone.'
nothing surprises me about this man, in all the years i've known him he can still surprise me, however like all masterminds he has a code, i like that in people, although it's not quite my code, it's his code and that is what he is true to.
'i did aryosho's contract as well, he gets a million dollars for each gig plus expenses, he will look after us when it comes to slicing up the fish.'
'a million bucks, jesus that's some fishmonger.'
'this is a fine art, a wrong cut can kill. there's not many people who are trained in this stuff, it's passed on from generations within aryosho's family.'
'so are we going to eat fish organs?'
'raw.'
'and it's hallucinogenic?'
'very, it's known as ichycoallyeinotoxism, hallucinogenic fish poisoning in other words. there's a species of bream that can induce visions, it was huge in roman times, those guys loved it so much it became a craze at dinner parties. even in parts off arabia they call it 'fish that makes dreams' there's reports that the dreams can last days but i don't think aryosho will cut us that type of dose.'
'so we are going to be tripping on fish guts.'
'mission, you have no finesse sometimes.'
'it's my working class background, we never had fish on the council estate.'
'hold tight, here we go.'
i looked up and could see aryosho was now bowing to rapturous applause, apparently someone had just spent 2 million dollars on the final part of the fish, known as the star fish. the man jumped up on the podium and waved at everyone as though he had won a race. the small crowd were going nuts.
there was a subdued moment when most people began to leave, but aryosho came to our table and asked me to stand up, he walked around me as he had done to each winner, he looked at my hands and teeth and eyes, then he bowed low, i noticed we were left in an almost empty room with the winners of the bidding and aryosho who brought them their fish pieces and the young woman who went from table to table checking if everyone was ready.
aryosho returned to us with two plates and offered them to us. my attorney spoke some japanese and aryosho offered his hand to me, i shook it.
'enjoy star fish, piece good, many magic things in star fish.'
i looked at the black looking gizzard that lay stretched across my plate, it smelt horrible and looked worse.
here i am in some sort of raw lsd fish eating cult being given a raw star fish gut by the jamie oliver of the ichycoallyeinotoxism world with my gracious and very weird friend. i am not in a position to refuse.
'should i swallow it or chew it?'
'place it under your tongue and it will dissolve, it's very delicate, the rest you spit out.'
we exchange a look, it's a look we have exchanged many times, its a look that we have both spent our lifetimes developing, it's the acknowledgement of fear look, it's the the acceptance of death look, it's the look two blokes share on a journey into the unknown. how do you describe that look, i'm not sure, it's just a look i guess.
i lift my head up high and open my mouth, picking up the strange slimy object i place it in my mouth, it's immediately awful, alien gunk, bad voodoo shit that makes my stomach churn and i fight the instinct to get it out from my mouth as i feel the liquid slide down into my throat, thick molasses texture, bitter and sour, not like fish, not like anything except bad ass raw fish gut. limits have been reached, i feel myself beginning to feel queasy, i eject the contents of my mouth onto the plate, and stare down at the skin that's left, it looks like an over used condom.
i try to talk but the words are not there, my mouth feels like its been stretched open.
i glance around, the other people are there all in their own experience but i can't quite see them, even the huge frame of my attorney is almost not quite there but i hear his voice, slow and slurred, it's saying something but it's warped and discordant and it's gone into the ether.
i begin to feel very warm, my head feels like it's expanding rapidly. the rooms flickers in red strobe for a while, it's not unpleasant, and there's a nice sensation as my whole body begins to dissolve which is quickly overtaken by the not so pleasant feeling of vertigo, in fact it's very sudden and feels like i am travelling upwards very fast, i control my breathing, deeps intense breaths as the shapes seem to flash before me, fish mouths, contorted and aggressive, the array of neon coloured lights shimmer, i have no relation to my body now, where am i?
slow time, decay, i'm a bubble, part of a large mass of foam, each bubble is a universe, each had different laws, my mind is melting, bending, stretching out, it's like an elastic band, reaching it's limits, all references come to an elasticated end. im in wonderland, a long way from kansas, neverwhere, a lost boy, floating out in the watery foam, i touch the surface of the skin, my hands feel like they are pushing through a dark mirror, stepping into another world, a world of aquatic pastels and coral shapes that form like purple fractals and i feel quite scared, and alone, and i wonder if i will find my way home. i am drowning now, falling into deep waters, floating, maybe i am rising, there's some movement around me, a blast of heat, i'm sweating, i think or wet, drenched in water, i'm uncertain if i need to drink some water, i have a body somewhere, i should look after it, the thought flickers across my mind but out, it goes. these colours are lovely, underwater moonlight, gets you when your down, i see a shape flickering, something fleeting, a tremor of recognition, it's leaping out of a book or submerged memory, but i can't quite see through the murky swirl.
big flash, i'm suspended in the void, akin to an isolation tank, there's an eternal peace and then a flicker of fairy lights, there are thousands of them, swirling around me, on and off, like binary, they are quite beautiful and i find myself in serenity, each light reveals itself, one by one, jellyfish, those moon type ones with that elegant dome fluctuating, it's almost erotic the way these things pulse and move, they drift on invisible currents, a variety of sizes but uniform in shape, these are indeed moon like, aptly named. they trail those strange tendrils, some sweep over my, although i can't feel them, i do notice a visible energetic sensation as my hair stands on end, i remember i have a body.
the swarm passes over me and then as if a curtain is lifted an intense white light bathes me, it's warming and healing as i start to feel quite good, ecstatic almost, well i am outside my body at least but through the white light it flashes, a black long shape, a long dark thing, and behind it a huge eye. fear now, my eyes are wide open, i am shaking, inside my body, at least i am breathing, what the fuck is this, i start panicking and an voice says, 'easy captain, come on back to me, you're okay now, back in the seventh dimension', i look up expecting to see a beast but it's a beast of a man, the great beast who has his arm on my shoulder, a big ugly grin plastered across his face, 'welcome home captain.'
aryosho offers me a glass of water,'drink slowly, enjoy taste.'
i follow his advice, i feel very dry despite the aquatic experience, the water hits my mouth and it tastes amazing, it really does, it's the most delicious thing i have very put between my lips almost, it's vitality intoxicates, 'what is this stuff?'
'water.'
my attorney and i laugh, it's one of those moments when there's nothing much to do other than laugh at it all. we say our goodbyes to our hosts, there's a lot of bowing and asian ritual but we are all satisfied. my body feels strangely relaxed for such a strange and frightening journey, and i notice the other people sitting at their tables all looking somewhat in a similar state, recovering from some sort of new experience. the woman opens the door for us and we ascend the staircase, up through the kitchen which is empty and lit only by a small lamp. the restaurant itself is empty, seats sit on tablecloths and there's that artificial smell of detergent or bleach hanging in the air. we leave through the same doorway and corridor we entered, down the staircase into the car park, somewhere along the way the lady must have disappeared back into the restaurant.
we jump in the car and weave along the strange underground cavern, i'm super relaxed, my muscles feel jelly like and my mind is numbed by it all.
it's not until we hit the parkway that we start the debrief, my attorney is describing his experience with mermaids. his visions seem much more erotic than mine, he said there was not one point in which he felt frightened although he felt somewhat alarmed when he came around and saw me in my state, apparently i looked very apprehensive. we swapped stories, it was indeed a very bizarre night, not sure i would want to experience it again.
anyway that's the man, a strange wide perspective look of reality, he belongs on boston legal, he's got a very sharp mind and a cosmic outlook, he's very wealthy yet unless he's dressed in his zoot suits you would think he was just a bum. we often go out together and he'll drop wads of cash on the floor without even knowing, he cares little for money yet he makes loads of it, his home is like a museum, filled with art and sculpture and he has very good tastes, he indulges in pleasures and yet is a terrible drunk, but he has never harmed or attempted to hurt my character.
once i dragged him along to see a thomas dolby performance, he'd just flown back from singapore and was jet lagged and hung over, he ordered a few bottles of white wine and then drank them, at one point during 'hyperactive' he fell off his chair onto his back like a giant tortoise, people rushed to help him, and he said to them all, 'it's okay i'm a doctor, i'm a doctor, dr. cracks my name, i'm running a controlled experiment, lab rats, you're all lab rats.'
i laughed as i am used to this but then he said to a woman sitting near us, 'madam, may i interest you in some gorgonzola, top quality stuff.'
yeah he's a strange one, a beast indeed, but good hearted, super intelligent and nothing like you would expect from someone in his status.
i could fill this blog with our adventures, write pages but you get the idea, i'm just describing my friend to you, a multidimensional man, you gotta work hard to keep up with him, he never slows down, its always action stations, he's also very well travelled, lived with gorillas in africa, penguins in antarctica, extreme landscapes and extreme adventures, he's eaten everything, even insects, i imagine he's pretty good in a fight to but i have seen him panic when we planned a trip to the amazon, he started to look worried the more we spoke about visiting the cat people, one day he confessed to me he was anxious about the jaguars and i teased him saying if it were between him and myself the jaguar would choose him for i am alkaline, eating seaweed, vegetables and salads opposed to his carnivorous diet. no jaguar would pass by such a rich satisfying meal, it would be like fine dining for those jungle cats. we never did get to the amazon but maybe one day he will shake of the fear and we will.
anyway's enough about my attorney, aka dr. crack, i have a list to finish.
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