where does it begin?
nothing in my life is about beginning or endings, it's all one long middle, let's just say this is as good a place as any for a start.


avalon beach may 1997
we walked along the beach dodging wild surf as it rolled in and out, following it's attraction towards the pale moon that hung in a clear sky, warm water splashed our ankles, covering us in a fine crystal spray. 
avalon beach in early autumn, everything perfect, all elements blend like a william blake poem or monet's brush stroke, there's harmony here and a quality that you carry with you no matter where else you roam in this world, it touches you and you take it with you like a shard of light in your soul, like childhood innocence, the wind, the rain, the light, all have their own special qualities, independent energy, it's a sacred place, people say it's magickal and i guess what i'm trying to say is, it is.
i was happy with marnee walking besides me, a long breath outwards every time i say her name, marnee and her gorgeous knowing smile, her pretty asian eyes vibrant and bright.
we were at peace with the world, i was recovering from a violent bike accident that had left my body broken for about one year, she healing from a violent relationship, and through the war zone we had found one another, and the connection was electric from first sight. we were both stunned by the magnetic forces that pulled us together and now something strange was happening to me, my heart was opening up, maybe a dormant charkra was flowering, after all i was with one of the most beautiful women on earth. whatever it was i felt good.
around us the usual procession of people walked by, people out strolling in the late afternoon sun, wrapped up in the joy of freedom and bliss on a lovely day, couples holding hands, children running around our feet, surfers with brown glistening skin waiting for their wave, familiar small town faces waving hello's, casual greetings from acquaintances as we passed them in our lazy sunday afternoon way, it seemed as if peace love and harmony had arrived for everyone.
i was wearing my baggy pants rolled up above the ankles and a beige waistcoat that had lost all it's buttons, marnee wore jeans and a white plain tee shirt, we were both barefoot, arms wrapped around one another, laughing and flirting like dolphins, the ocean on one side and a mid afternoon sun drenched beach on the other, we walked between contrasts, the point where they kiss, it was all very poetic and beautiful and it was all about to change.
we had walked to the town and were returning home with wine and fresh fish.
halfway along the beach i grabbed marnee and held her into me, i looked into her eyes and smiled, she smiled back and all my defences were down. 
she was everything a man could desire in a woman, she was perfect, the right kind of body for me, petite and elegant, yet strong and independent but what was remarkable about marnee was her clear mind, razor sharp, you could fillet fish with it, she had knowledge and wisdom and applied them in a contemporary way, completely balanced politically, environmentally, artistically and spiritually, she was the goddess of the moment and i loved her just for being alive.
marnee looked at me coyly, her hand touched my face and i found myself just wanting to merge with her, it seemed part of me had. she started to speak, but i couldn't hear her for a strange feeling hit me in the guts, it came right outta nowhere and synchronised with the sun passing behind a cloud that had appeared out of nowhere as well, it lasted a fraction but it left an eerie sensation and then there was a faint rumble and i could see clouds appearing over the horizon, they were travelling fast, towards us.