Friday, October 15, 2010

intoxication lasts seven days and nights, you drink this stuff, it's black and thick like molasses but not as digestible, it hits the back of your throat and slides down slow like a giant oyster, when your senses take it, your body starts to rebel, it's vile repulsion, toxic and awful, like a furious poison, suddenly the internal mechanism fades away, all that initial horror recedes into nothing but dead weight and you sink to the ground, in some kind of slo - mo, just like an actor, you gaze at yourself, laying there in darkness, looking so sublime, slightly colder, slightly older, you waiting for something to happen but it doesn't.
you close your eyes for a while, there's not much difference but you start to close in on a body sensation, tingles at the extremities, a warm rush, a pulsing throb of some intelligence manifesting. suddenly you feel the pinpicks over your face, your legs and hands, really uncomfortable, moments of terror seize you, what the fuck? suddenly you begin to feel crushed by some invisible force, like a heavy weight pinning you down, you have taken all these substances, plant medicines and chemicals, your life is a history of experimentation with the mind, with reality, breaking through the consensus reality, playing the idiot for some perennial quest that lays in the beat of your heart but never before have you felt so terrified and out of control as now. you suddenly realise you don't want to die. i don't want to die.
it seemed like a good idea when she suggested you try the bufotenine, stupid idea, you couldn't help but have the experience but look where it has taken you, into the depths of hell.
your skin, you suddenly become aware of it, sticky goo secretes from it, it's stinks of swamp juice, there's a terrible heat closing in, it's clammy and brings on a sudden wave of nausea. you feel your stomach contracting, sharp acute pain grips it like a vice, do you scream?
there's a roar but you can't be certain if it came from you.
suddenly your gone from your body and its pain. sucked into a vortex, every atom torn apart like a transition of physics.
your everywhere and nowhere.
even consciousness ceases for that split second.

i woke up face down in the garden, it had been raining heavily and i was wearing my hemp pants and a tee shirt. the rain had soaked my clothes, and i sneezed loudly as i attempted to stand up, wobbly legs. my mouth feels awful, i really need to shower and clean my teeth. i wander upstairs wondering if the neighbours had seen anything disturbing, but as i looked around all lights were out, it must be late.
thankfully my door is open, i immediately shower and clean my teeth.
i check the time and messages, no messages but 14 hours have passed me by. that's a long time i think. i was certain i had plans tonight but i can't think of what they were. i wander over to my room, i carry a paperback, a new one called 'horns.' i assume i'll read for a little while but i fall asleep almost immediately.
in the morning i walk my dog and go to work, i drive in early, stop in at a friends, drink some tea, wander around her garden and talk about some things from a past i can barely recall.
the days start to blend, nothing eventful occurs except there's a strange trail of green water that seems to form wherever i am, small trickles, drops from the ceiling, pools forming on the floor, puddles here there and everywhere, i see them in my peripheral vision, i see them everywhere, the pools of green stayed distant but started creeping in, until i noticed them coming from within. firstly when i went to the bathroom, green piss, then when i got in an argument with a friend i started crying on the way home and noticed green teardrops falling.
then one morning i woke up in a pool of green slime. it was sticking to me like tar, and as i ran to the bathroom it stretched out like a web of sticky fly papers all pulling me back in some elastic property.
i also fond myself becoming very dry simultaneously, needing to take long showers and many baths, sometimes up to seven a day.
eventually i found myself in the bath for most of the day. just laying there watching the walls. my thoughts seemed to focus upon eating bugs, cockroaches, flies and the occasional mosquito but my house was bug free so i just ate the contents of my fridge, nothing substantial, just sauces, powders and supplements. my phone would often ring, i'd begin to hear it and by the time i got to it i'd begin to forget what i was doing, caught by some strange tangent of thought. it wasn't until i started spending days and nights in my bath with the shower turned on producing steam, increasing the humidity, i began to forget and loose all contact with myself as a human. i hovered at the intersection, of amphibian and human, my thoughts hybrid, neither one nor the other.
then it reversed and i reverted back to human.
a man in a bath, i found myself wearing my suit and a pair of purple sunglasses laying in a bathtub. i drained the water and climbed out. my phone was ringing and i went to find it.
looking at the date i realised 7 days had passed since i took the bufotenine solution. 7 days, i'd been under the influence of the worlds most powerfully natural occurring hallucinogenic and it had taken me into a strange world of the amphibian / human hybrid.
i showered and cleaned my place, jumped in my bed and slept. in the morning i rang my friend and she said i had not visited her, neither did i get to work, everything had been part of the hallucination.
even now there's moments when i have to check if this is real. even now i am never 100% sure, because sometimes from the corner of my vision i glimpse the green drops of liquid.

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