i'm following miss cupcake through the crowded streets of some tourist part of town, it's heaving with traffic and people, there's hardly any room to walk on the side of the street, the whole environment has this element of chaos that i love. everyone we pass is offering us something, we are in a constant state of refusing, taxis, trinkets, bangles, bracelets, promotional pamphlets and various other offers of massage and good times. we pass a huge nightclub where they advertise a contest for the most beautiful woman in bali and i laugh to myself, ha i'm walking beside her. how lucky am i.
we find the restaurant which is hidden away in a side road, it's really lovely, the waiters are great, very friendly and engaging, the food excellent. i'm really impressed with this place, lots of masks and offerings to the spirits. we were told the 'monster' spirit was invoked last night, apparently a good spirit. i feel sad that i missed that but next time i come to bali i will check all this stuff out, right now i just need to enjoy the relaxed state i've found here.
cupcake catches a taxi back, i decide to walk, every step of the way people try to sell me viagra, ephedrine, hash and girls, but i'm on the move, no time to interact or play tourist, i am moving and weaving through the streets heading back to the hotel so i can clean my teeth and get this strange taste out from my mouth, i'm over the decadent life, i've seen enough misery and stupidity, i just want the good bits now. please, gimme the good bits, the sweet bits, those moments that mean something, intimacy with love, not the dumb mindless fucking bullshit that reminds me how fucked up everything is, i'm older now, wiser, i been around that block baby, it's a fucking merry go round, i jumped off that ride a while back. dumb drugs, dumb sex, dumb things, i done them all.
2 comments:
I love seeing that chaos too. I think it's because I can actually see, in front of me, what goes on in my head.
That relaxed state you have found is in you, not in Bali. Why wait for the next time you go to Bali to experience it again when you can do the same right at home... after all, where ever you go, you're with you, and it's you who experienced the relaxed state.
Decadence is nice for a while, especially when you're younger. I find each living day I'm making life simpler. I'm trimming the fat. Eventually I'll end up with nothing, the true goal of a buddhist. Nothing means there are no limits, there are no prejudice, no comparisons to make, what you see is what you get. Then you truly see all the dumb things you use to use to "enjoy" your life and discover that it was all a scam you put on yourself.
Stefano
stephano dude, yeah it is inside me for sure, i feel it now, more than ever before and i agree the end point is nothing. it's also the beginning point to :)
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